Watch Out It’s Messy In Here

My Mother-In-Law got Bubba a gift card to a book store for his birthday.  They used to go to the library together every Wednesday and she missed that special time with him.  So, as part of the gift, she wanted to bring him to pick out his books.  They spent the day together last Sunday.  The other night he was telling me about their trip to the store.  In my car,  his booster is behind the driver's seat.  In Grandma's car, the booster is on the passenger's side. Bubba "Mom, when Grandma was driving to the store, she was supposed to be going 65, but she was going almost 80!" Me "I'm sure she wasn't going that fast." Bubba "Well, it was past the 60, and after 60 comes 80.  And after 80 comes 100!  Grandma was almost going 100!  I thought old people drove slow"

Is there anything as powerful as Mommy Guilt? Has anything ever happened with your kids that you just can't let go of that shoulda, coulda, woulda? My oldest is 14. He has been in Halloween Costume parades since he was barely more than a month old. Starting in day care. I have made it to every single one. Except the year he was 9 and in 4th grade. It was easy when he was a baby. I worked at his day care. Then when he was three, and I had gotten a job somewhere else, I made it a point to take the time off from work to go. When he started kindergarten, I started back to college, so it was easy to make it. When he was in 4th grade, I started my current job. In fact, my first day of work was on Halloween. There was no way I would make it to the costume parade. He was a little saddened by that fact, as was I. But this was going to be our new reality. Mommy was working again full time now and couldn't make it to all the school functions anymore. After school, the Big O...

Ok, I have a question I've been dying to ask my fellow female triathletes. And since all 9 of my blog followers are women (and if I ever reach 10 I'm gonna throw myself a party), I guess this is the best place to ask the question. So, if you are a male who happened to accidentally start reading one of my posts for the first time ever, I apologize. You can stop reading now. Unless you have a wife, girlfriend, sister, mother, or daughter who is a triathlete and can help you answer my question. Here it goes. What the heck do you do if you have your period on race day? I mean, I guess if it's a sprint, or intermediate distance it wouldn't be that big a deal. But a half or a full? Seriously. I wouldn't be able to make it that long with out doing something about it. So what do you do? I've only done three tri's so far, and haven't had the issue. However, it's something I check the calender for as the race day approaches. Wondering how I would ...

Yesterday I was in a bad mood after work, and needed to destress on my way home. I didn't want to bring my grumpiness home to the boys. So, I decided it was time to play my pre-race playlist. On the way to every race, tri or running, I listen to the same playlist. Part of it is now "supersition" or routine, but part of it is because each of the songs plays a part in calming me down, and then pumping me back up again. First on my playlist is Coplands Fanfare For the Common Man and Appalachian Spring. These songs are from my previous life when I was in colorguard. Particularly the Shaker Melody. I marched to this song in marching band, and can visualize the entire show in my head. Mentally performing the moves helps to bring me to a very good place. I tend to see the music, not just hear it. Flags spinning, girls dancing. And there was one performace when I smacked a judge with my flag during the final impact. I can almost feel it every time the song gets to that...

One month ago today, he moved out. And we are surviving. Bubba started the Bannan Splits Club at school yesterday, The Big One is meeting with his guidance counselor once a week, and I'm holding myself together somehow. I've cooked dinner more in the last month than the last 14 years. And I'm proud to say, we haven't had pizza once! I did resort to McDonald's one night for the boys, but only because I had to mow the lawn, and had a limited window of daylight. But other than that, we've been eating very nutritious dinners. The boys haven't complained about my cooking either. We've also been doing a big breakfast on Sunday mornings. But, I am running out of quick, not expensive, ideas. The fact that the oven is on the fritz limits me a lot. So, send me your crock-pot, microwave, toaster oven, stove top, or grilled recipes! There have been a total of four nights that I've been completely kidless in the last month. Bubba has been away more ni...

I finally got to get back in the water tonight! First time swimming since late August when I did an open water swim with Coach Kelly. And I haven't been in a pool since mid-July when I put my membership at the Y on hold. I signed up for the highest level tri swim clinic they offer. I'm not an awesome swimmer, but I can hold my own in the pool. And I took the level three all last season, so I was fairly certain, even with a few months off, that I was going to do ok. So, I knew in advance my young tri friend Erin is in the class, and we both got to the locker room at the same time. There were no other female's in the locker room. She commented that she hoped we aren't the only two people in the class. And neither one of us had any clue who the teacher was. We walked out to the pool, and there were 4 or 5 men waiting for the class to start. Not young kids, but men, who all looked older than me (and I'm old) .Uh Oh! From previous classes, I know the guy...

I have the most amazing group of friends. Both my "real" or irl (in real life) friends and my on-line friends have been so supportive these last few months. Every time I'm down in the dumps, and ready to throw in the towel, somebody is there to pick me back up, dust me off, and point me in the right direction. So many of them have believed in me when I no longer believed in myself. And this is true in both my every day life, and my training. There are many days I only get out of bed because there are two boys who count on me. And I cry in the shower because it's the only place I know they won't see me. By the time I get to work on those days, I'm ready to turn around, drive home, crawl into bed, and pull the covers over my head because I just don't think I can do it. Then, I log on to Twitter, or Facebook, or BabyCenter, and somebody, somewhere makes me feel loved. They make me realize that I'm going to be ok, I'm going to survive. Things ...

When I lay awake at night, I come up with wonderful posts to share with my hoards of readers. Well written, sometimes funny, sometimes serious. The ideas I have at 2 a.m. are plentiful. Then, I get up at 5:30 (or days like today, when neither I nor the Big One set our alarm, 6:15) and the ideas are either not so good, or gone. I think about getting up, and typing them out, but know that I need to just go back to sleep. And I always promise myself I will remember them in the morning. Well, last night, while I was awake from before 2 until after 4, watching quality late night and early morning television programing, I had a great post written in my head. And now, it's gone. But I assure you, it was phenomenal.

Someday, I will place in my age group in a triathlon... Someday, I will run a half marathon... Someday, I will complete a 70.3... Someday, I will run in the Boston Marathon... Someday, I will compete in Lake Placid Ironman... Lofty goals, for a woman who hasn't even been running 2 full years. But I feel, deep down, these will all happen. Like my current 5k time, they may not happen as quickly as I hope, but I'll stick to my motto: I may not be first, I may not be fast, but I will ALWAYS finish....someday.

In December of 2003 we bought our first house. I was going to school full time to become a speech pathologist and nannying for a little 2 year old girl part time, the Big One was in 2nd grade. Life was good. When my mother in law went on vacation the end of January, right after the Spring semester had started, her yellow lab stayed with us. By the time she came home, The Big One and I had convinced the husband that maybe we should get a dog. I started making plans for what kind of puppy I was going to get. The beginning of February I was exhausted. Having a hard time making it through my night classes. I figured being a mom, nanny, and full time student was taking it's toll on me. Then it dawned on me, I might be late. So, I stopped on my way home and bought a two pack of tests. I took one. Instant positive. I took the second, just to be sure, yup, still positive. The husband was quite happy. I was in shock. The next morning I called my mid-wife's office to sc...

A few weeks ago, the boys had their check ups. The Big One has been dying to break 100 for over a year. He is 5' 6.5", and finally weighed 100 lbs at his 14 year check up. He stepped off the scale with a "YES!" I still remember the day I hit 100 lbs. I was a senior in high school. I was 5'7" and weighed under 100 lbs. And I was proud of that fact. I was hoping to never hit three digits until getting pregnant some day. Then, in the middle of my senior year, I stepped on the scale and it said 100. I cried. And didn't eat for days. Took diet pills. It truly bothered me. I was never the pretty one, or the smart one, or the funny one, or the cute one. I was the skinny one. It was how I identified myself, and how others identified me. Not being skinny scared me. A lot. It was who I was. I wore a size 0. If I had to buy a size 2 I was disappointed in myself. By the time I graduated, and left for college, I weighed 105 lbs. When I came ho...

I need some help. I've turned back into that person who has more excuses than motivation. He has been gone for three weeks. In that time I've been running once. That's it. I have gone from the girl at work yelling at people for making up reasons why they can't fit in any work outs, to the lazy woman laying in bed, turning off her alarm, and rolling over for an extra half hour of sleep. I have skipped two planned events (a 15k and a bike ride for cancer). I feel like a blob again. So, please, someone, motivate me. Someone make me not give in to my inner couch potato. Drag my butt out of bed first thing in the morning for a run. Or make me get myself to the bike ride Sunday morning. Don't let me give up on myself. The Jingle Bell Run is on November 21. I need to do that event, and PR in it. Then the Turkey Trot 10k is Thanksgiving morning. I need to PR there too. Who's going to make sure I hold myself accountable for this goal? Oh, Wait, That would ...

I am pretty sure I will never have alone time for the next 12 years. Until Bubba goes to college. One or both of these children is always with me. What ever happened to every other weekend? I need a break. And a nap. And a nice long run. Calgon.......... Seriously, I know I'm complaining a lot. I suppose it could be much worse and I could never get to see them. But I'm tired. And I miss my evening runs.

This is my first born son. Playing soccer. Isn't he amazing? I stare at this picture. A lot. And try to figure out how the heck I created such an awesome kid. Look at him. I am so proud to be his mom. And so lucky to have him in my life. Every time I think, I just can't take it anymore, that I am ready to throw in the towel, run a way, give up on life as I know it, I picture this. Perfection that is my child. I don't think he will ever realize how important he is to me. How he has saved my life. Just by being.

On our way home from his soccer game Friday, the Big One had a bone to pick with me. "So, I was in the locker room, getting ready for my game, and when I pulled my soccer shorts out of my bag a pair of your underwear came flying out!" Just what a 14 year old needs. A pair of his mom's underwear. Thankfully he was alone in the locker room at the time. And thankfully they were the most boring pair of underwear I own. But he was still mortified by what could have been. Imagine if he had been with the entire soccer team and my shamrock thong came flying out of his bag! I'm going grocery shopping today. I think I'll pick up a box of Bounce.

He doesn't do it on purpose, but the boy makes me laugh. He came up to me this morning to tell me his stomach hurt. I asked him if he thought maybe he needed to poop (we've had issues with this in the past, ending up in the er because of it once) His response was "Yes, but there isn't enough toilet paper for me to go." Love that boy. Instead of just asking me to get the toilet paper, because he knows how busy and stressed out I am, he just lets me know he has a tummy ache.

Not that I have a lot of followers, but in case any of the handful of my readers didn't see this on twitter or facebook, I wanted to post it here as well. Single Dad Laughing has a very good post about bullying. It should be read by all parents, teachers, kids, grandparents. Seriously, go check it out. And then share it with everyone you know. I made The Big One read it. He read the entire thing, which is impressive, because it is a little lengthy, and he has a strong dislike for reading. So, please, go read it. Now.

Remember how I was concerned about Bubba not standing to pee? Well, he stands now. And now I wish he would stop. I don't remember The Big One ever being so poor at aiming, and he stood from day one of being out of diapers. I have to wipe down the toilet, the walls, the floor, and even the trash can all the time. And now that Daddy is gone, there isn't anyone else to do it but me. Speaking of him leaving, I'm sick of doing everything. I have nobody to help with anything. I have to do it all from sun up to sun down, and then some. Guess what, I'm sickofitall!!! So, Bubba, sit down to pee at home! At least then I would have one less thing to do.

there have been changes He moved out over a week ago I'm not dealing well I still see him every day because of the boys But I miss him real update to come soon

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