Watch Out It’s Messy In Here

I remember lots of things.  Weird random facts I learned in 7th grade, the birthday of a girl I haven't been friends with since 8th grade, the phone number of my childhood best friend, or part of a colorguard routine I did hundreds of times back in high school.  I have many wonderful memories, like holding each of my children for the first time, the way it felt the first time I crossed a finish line at a race, my first kiss, the rush I used to get when performing in front of a crowd.  The funny things kids have said over the years, like one of them saying remembories, instead of memories. I also have many memories I wish I could forget.  The phone call on Thanksgiving morning telling me of a good friends death the night before, saying goodbye to the baby I never met, saying goodbye to my little brother as he went off to fight a war, comforting my heartbroken son when he got cut from the basketball team, seeing my baby pale, and unresponsive in the back of an ambulanc...

There are lots of things I wish I was doing this weekend. A mani pedi would be awesome.  I've only had two in my life, but my feet would appreciate some pampering and my nails look horrendous from packing and cleaning. Racing,  Many of my friends are participating in races all over the place this weekend.  It would be much more fun to be there with them.  Floating.  In my mom and dad's pool.  Just laying on a raft and drifting around the pool. Shopping!  I haven't gotten new clothes in quite some time.  From what I hear the flowing shapeless flowered dresses that I lived in during high school are back.  If I had some money, I would be getting a few. Getting a cut and color.  My last hair cut was on Dec 31 2009!  I'm way over due.  And getting your hair washed and brushed by someone else feels really good. Hanging with old friends.  A girls night, with munchies and drinks, talking about the good old days. But,...

I love my boys.  They are my reason for being.  My reason for getting up in the morning, my reason for going to work every day.  They are my life.  If something were to happen to either of them a piece of me would die.  I know this is not uncommon for a mother to feel this way.  They were the reason I was considering maybe going into the military.  I need to be able to support them, to give them the life they deserve.  I thought this was a means, albeit a drastic one, to that end.  As of the wee hours of this morning, I know that I can not leave them.  That if I went into the military, and something were to happen to me, they would not be ok.  Even my 14 year old needs his mommy right now.  The events of last night were proof of that fact.  The Big One has asthma.  He was diagnosed with it when I was pregnant with Bubba.  So, we've been dealing with it for 7 years.  We've had some "scary" episodes, but noth...

I feel like I'm living the game Angry Birds.  There has been a Robin attacking my kitchen window since Tuesday.  The Big One shot at it with an air soft gun on Day 1.  He missed, scared Robin away for a little bit, but he came back shortly after.  I then suggested he let the cat out (same cat who is scared of hamsters in plastic balls, but the bird doesn't need to know that).  Mr Angry Bird just sat on the fence, glaring at the cat until he came back in, and went back at it.  Day 2 he started up at 6 am.  I tried hanging fake hawk shadows in the window.  He laughed at my efforts, and was still going strong when I went to bed at 9.  Day 3 he decided that one window wasn't enough, and went after the bathroom window as well.  I recorded him, standing right in the kitchen window, and he didn't care that I was standing right there.  Day 4 The Big One shot at him with his BB gun, and again missed (as I knew he would) and Bubba and I went ...