Watch Out It’s Messy In Here

There are lots of things I wish I was doing this weekend. A mani pedi would be awesome.  I've only had two in my life, but my feet would appreciate some pampering and my nails look horrendous from packing and cleaning. Racing,  Many of my friends are participating in races all over the place this weekend.  It would be much more fun to be there with them.  Floating.  In my mom and dad's pool.  Just laying on a raft and drifting around the pool. Shopping!  I haven't gotten new clothes in quite some time.  From what I hear the flowing shapeless flowered dresses that I lived in during high school are back.  If I had some money, I would be getting a few. Getting a cut and color.  My last hair cut was on Dec 31 2009!  I'm way over due.  And getting your hair washed and brushed by someone else feels really good. Hanging with old friends.  A girls night, with munchies and drinks, talking about the good old days. But, I'm not.  I'm finishing up deciding wha

A few weeks ago I was asked to write a guest post for Care One .  I'm reposting it here on my blog for my readers who may not have seen it: Have you ever had to turn in all of your change to get your 14 year old son a hair cut? Have you ever borrowed money from your sons piggy bank to put gas in your car? Have you ever not taken your child to the doctor when you probably should have because you didn't have the money for the co-pay (not to mention the extra gas)? Have you ever gone over 18 months without a hair cut because you just can't justify spending that money on yourself right now? Have you ever hidden an invitation to a birthday party from your kid because you didn't want to have to tell them you couldn't afford to buy the child a gift? Unfortunately, since my husband moved out, I can answer yes to all of those questions. I still refer to him as my husband even though we decided over a year ago that our marriage was over, because we haven't l

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary.  Tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of me finding out about the other woman, and two days after that is when we agreed to end the marriage.  This weekend I'm moving out of my house.  Basically the week sucks.  Then throw in the anniversary of my miscarriage fourth of July weekend, and I may as well put myself back in the psych ward for the next 3 weeks.  Yesterday I spent the day mourning what had been my life.  The boys went with their dad for father's day, and I lay in bed sobbing and crying and wishing it would all go away.  I remembered all of the awesome fun times we had as a family.  I thought about our wedding day, the days the boys were born.  The fun times we had together.  Tonight they will be with him too.  I'm going to go for a long ride and run, and then come home and probably cry just a little more.  Then, tomorrow, I will move on.  I will pick up the pieces and stop blaming myself, stop analyzing what I cou

I have lots of tri buddies.  Some are slower, most are faster.  I have friends I talk about training with.  Friends who I run with, friends I bike with, friends I swim with.  I have friends I motivate and friends who motivate me.  There are my tri heroes, my tri coaches, and even my tri enemies.  Everyone I have met in real life or chatted with on line because of triathlon has a special place in my tri life.  Love or hate, they have all gotten me to where I am in the sport. There are also several people who I have met who have been more than just an influence to me as an athlete.  They have become great friends who have helped me through some of the most difficult days of my life.  They have called, texted, dropped by.  Dragged me out for a swim, bike or run when I needed most to stop thinking.  They have gotten me to where I am in life. There is one person who has become a big part of my life because of triathlon who less than a year ago I was simply a huge fan of, and she had no

I've really been thinking that I was done with triathlon.  That the two seasons I had under my belt would be the only two.  Blame it on my circumstances, blame it on the meds, blame it on me being a Gemini.  Not sure what it was, but I haven't been feeling that desire that I had the last two years.  I decided to still do Green Lakes mostly so I wouldn't disappoint a few select people who's opinions truly matter to me.  My plan was really just to show up and do it.  And then train my butt off for Iron Girl because I have a whole slew of people I owe big time for that race.  It all started coming back to me last Wednesday night.  I met up with my buds at Oneida Shores for the CNY Tri training series.  Since I had only been in the water once in the past two months, I really needed an open water swim, and I was a little nervous about transitions this season now that I've added a new pair of shoes to the mix.  I did that swim with my friend Kristin A. She is one of th

Yesterday was my first tri of the season.  It was also my first tri since he moved out.  My first tri since my hospital stay, and my first tri with out my original training buddy Missy who originally motivated me to tri in the first place. It was also my first tri on meds, and my first tri with my period (i know tmi, but it was an unneeded stressor)  Not to mention my first tri season with out a coach.  Needless to say, I wasn't feeling ready for it.  About a week before I told a few friends that I quit.  That I wasn't doing it.  That I knew I couldn't.  I had so much self doubt, and the voice of one former "friend" telling me I didn't have what it would take kept ringing in my ear.  A couple of my friends said, ok, if that's what you want, we will support you.  But Kristin wasn't having it.  Her text to me went something like this:  it's a sold out race, you took a spot that someone else could have had, you owe it to them to do the race.  it do

My birthday quite often falls on Memorial Day weekend.  This happened to be one of those years.  The Ex had a reunion thing going on all weekend, so even though it was his weekend in the every other schedule, we agreed that I would take the boys.  Win win situation, he could do all of his events, I got to spend my birthday with my guys.  Then I started thinking that we should do something fun.  Go camping, or on a trip.  Celebrate Memorial Day, and ignore my birthday.  So I contacted my favorite cousin-in-law in the 'burbs of Boston to see if she would be up for some house guests the last weekend of May.  As always, she was more than willing to be our hostess. The plan was to not let them know that it was my birthday.  Threatened the boys with death, or worse, embarrassment in front of friends, if any of the Mass cousins found out.  I kind of wanted to just not have a birthday this year.  They agreed to keep my secret.  I told all the family we would be gone for the weekend, arran