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Remembories

I remember lots of things.  Weird random facts I learned in 7th grade, the birthday of a girl I haven't been friends with since 8th grade, the phone number of my childhood best friend, or part of a colorguard routine I did hundreds of times back in high school.  I have many wonderful memories, like holding each of my children for the first time, the way it felt the first time I crossed a finish line at a race, my first kiss, the rush I used to get when performing in front of a crowd.  The funny things kids have said over the years, like one of them saying remembories, instead of memories. I also have many memories I wish I could forget.  The phone call on Thanksgiving morning telling me of a good friends death the night before, saying goodbye to the baby I never met, saying goodbye to my little brother as he went off to fight a war, comforting my heartbroken son when he got cut from the basketball team, seeing my baby pale, and unresponsive in the back of an ambulance.

All of these memories of my past have been an important part of helping me become the person I am today, for better or worse.  But there is one memory that I have that I share with the rest of the world.  A memory that has shaped the lives of an entire country.  Just as you can ask anyone who was alive in November of 1963 where they were when they heard of JFK's assassination, and they can tell you without hesitation, if you ask anyone what they were doing on Tuesday, September 11, 2001 they can respond with vivid detail as if it happened yesterday.

In September of 2001 The Big One had started kindergarten, and I had returned to school myself.  I didn't have classes on Tuesdays, so I dropped him off at school and came home to spend my day watching 90210 reruns.  I was doing just that when my phone rang.  My mother in law, who was at work, was in a panic.  Was I watching the news?  Did I know what was going on?  Did I hear about the plane crash in NYC?   The rest of my day was then spent glued to the TV, watching the events unfold.  Not believing what I was seeing was real.  Horrified as the events of the day were happening in front of my eyes.  Realizing that the world as I knew it was no more.  Worried about what the future would hold for my young son.  Wanting to go pick him up from school, hold him in my arms, and never let go.

In the days and weeks that followed, I spent a lot of time watching the news.  Obsessing over every detail.  Not wanting to know more, but needing to find out.  I didn't sleep, had panic attacks, and stressed over the uncertainty of my future, of what our country would become.  I no longer felt safe, and worried non-stop about when the other shoe would drop.  What else were "they" going to do to "us"?

It's been ten years since our country was rocked to it's core by tragedy.  It's been a decade since I first turned to watch Matt Lauer on the Today show to find out what it was that had gotten my mother in law so upset.  I've been through many ups and downs since 9-11-01.  Made many new memories, both bad and good in all of that time.  But, none of them will ever replace the remembories of that fateful day.

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