Watch Out It’s Messy In Here

Yesterday morning I could have met my friends at Master Swim.  But, I had convinced myself that I am not good enough for Masters yet.  I'm not fast, my stroke needs work, and I will definitely not be able to keep up with everyone else.  I decided to stick with my Sunday night tri swim clinic.  Stay in my comfort zone.  Turns out Erin was going to be there anyway, since she was going out partying on Saturday night, and was pretty sure she wouldn't be up for a Sunday morning workout. Oh to be young again...  She always kicks my butt, every week.  Ahead of my by at least half a lap.  It's a good thing I'm faster than her on my legs, so I don't feel so bad that she is so much faster than me in the water.  The fact that she is such a good friend, and a wonderful person doesn't hurt either. So, as usual, last night she was miles ahead of me.  Getting to the wall way ahead of me.  Finishing every drill before anyone else in the pool....

I spoke to a cousin today.  One who I have been keeping in touch with over MySpace and then Facebook for years, but haven't actually spoken to since I was a teenager.  The two hour phone call with her just brought me more peace and healing than my hospital stay, therapy, and medications combined.  She has given me a new "mantra" to repeat when I start to be taken over by "the green monster".  As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God because He is my friend. But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own. At last I snatched them back and cried How can you be so slow...My Child, He said, what could I do...you never did let go... She has been through much more, and much worse than I.  And she has survived, and come out a stronger person in spite of it all, or maybe, because of it all.  And her description of how anxiety takes over ...

Today's plan was to try out Master Swim in the morning instead of the Tri Swim Clinic at night.  I had no kids at home with me, so I was just going to get up early and meet my friends and hope for the best.  I definitely would have been worst of the best, but it's time to raise the bar, right?  So, after a wonderful dinner out to celebrate my Dad's birthday with my mom and sister, and a drive home in a blizzard, I went to bed last night, and set my alarm for 7.  My cell phone rang at 6:40, and it was my SIL.  The very same SIL who had Bubba spending the night at her house.  I knew that it couldn't be good.  She reported that Bubba had been up all night, vomiting, and that he was ready to come home.  Since Daddy does not do vomit, I brushed my car off and went to go get him.  My road hadn't been plowed yet, so I was hoping that it wouldn't get done in my absence.  On the way to get him I stopped to get Gingerale, the puking kids necessar...

Something tragic happened today.  I went to Starbucks for lunch, because sometimes the only thing that I want is a Venti Soy Pumpkin Spice Latte, no whip.  Since the Target Starbucks has been broken the last umpteen times I've tried to go I haven't had my fix in a while.  So, today at lunch I ran to the mall.  Went up to the counter, and order my PSL.  I was informed they were out of Pumpkin.  Which means Pumpkin Spice season is over!  I can't have another one until the Fall.  Seriously people.  This is not good.  How will I comfort myself now.  (I know, Mary will tell me to work out or something, but it's just not the same!) My wonderful sister, in trying to cheer me up about this horrible end to my crappy week, informed me that it just means it's almost Spring.  And that I'll be running outside in the warm sunshine soon.  So, I guess Phil really didn't see his shadow, and we aren't stuck with 6 more weeks of winter....

I guess I'm allowed to have bad days.  But today I just feel down in the dumps, want to put on my jammies, and hide under the covers and cry.  It sucks breaking up with your best friend.  Even if it is the best thing for both of you.  I just think this would be so much easier if I hated his guts.  But I don't hate him.  I love him.  Just not the way you are supposed to love the person with whom you share your life with until death do you part.  And I really need a hug right now, but there is nobody here to hug me.  Add to that the fact that Starbucks was broken when I stopped to get a Pumpkin Spice Latte.  Now how am I supposed to cheer up? I had a crazy doctor appointment today.  And it was determined that I have PMDD .  Guess who is premenstrual right now?  Right, that would be me.  Probably most of the reason I'm so crabby and sad today.  Unfortunately, the antidepressant that I am on does not work for PMDD,...

This is my 100th blog post.  And I really wanted it to be deep, and meaningful and inspirational.  I truly wanted to motivate you all.  I've been putting off writing a post so that this 100th one would be special.  But, I am not feeling it.  Apparently, my happy pills don't cure PMS.  That bitch on wheels week leading up to my period isn't going to go away.  I was really hoping I wouldn't get quite as "hormonal" now, but, I was wrong.  Sorry.  I think everyone around me suffers more than I do.  Maybe I have PMDD, I should ask at my next appointment.  Maybe I can get more drugs! So, aside from my female problems, I do have some goodness to report.  I am officially back in the saddle again. I got the trainer from Kristin on Sunday afternoon.  She is letting me borrow it until I get my own or she needs it.  I am so grateful!  And I am also very out of shape.  I may be at one of my lowest weights of my adult...