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Pushing Myself

Yesterday morning I could have met my friends at Master Swim.  But, I had convinced myself that I am not good enough for Masters yet.  I'm not fast, my stroke needs work, and I will definitely not be able to keep up with everyone else.  I decided to stick with my Sunday night tri swim clinic.  Stay in my comfort zone.  Turns out Erin was going to be there anyway, since she was going out partying on Saturday night, and was pretty sure she wouldn't be up for a Sunday morning workout. Oh to be young again...  She always kicks my butt, every week.  Ahead of my by at least half a lap.  It's a good thing I'm faster than her on my legs, so I don't feel so bad that she is so much faster than me in the water.  The fact that she is such a good friend, and a wonderful person doesn't hurt either.
So, as usual, last night she was miles ahead of me.  Getting to the wall way ahead of me.  Finishing every drill before anyone else in the pool.  But of course any time we weren't moving, or when we were doing just kicks, we chatted.  Isn't part of swim class the social aspect?  I think that's why I go.  Anyway, since were talking during one of the exercises, the instructor told us if we could talk, we weren't working hard enough.  She told us this once again when we came side by side, chatting with each other, up the lane on the kick boards.  It got me thinking, maybe I don't really push myself in the pool.  I know that I have an hour to swim.  So I usually don't give it my all, except during sprints, because I want to make sure I have enough strength and energy to complete the entire class.
I decided that for the last 200 yards, I was going to give it everything I had.  And try to keep up with Erin.  I swam harder than ever, besides for sprints, and was side by side with her for all but the last 25 yards.  She finished before me, but not by as much as she normally does.  I was spent, and gladly did the 100 kick cool down at a very easy pace.
This morning, I got up and was sore.  My a$$ hurt, my shoulders hurt, my legs hurt.  I looked at The Big One and said, "I swim at least twice a week, why am I hurting today?"  His response, "Maybe you actually worked hard last night!"  OMG!  The 14 y/o is a genius!  He was right.  I did work hard.  For 4 minutes of my hour class, I busted my butt.  And I felt it.  It was the good kind of hurt.  The kind that makes you feel like you actually did something during your work out.
This got me thinking even more.  I don't every push hard.  I usually hold back, during a bike, or a run, or a swim, to make sure I can finish the entire thing.  I'm always worried that I won't have enough left.  I also never go outside of my comfort zone.  Never let myself hurt.  If it starts to feel just a little bit uncomfortable, I pull back.  I need to stop staying comfortable.  I need to make it hurt.  I need to wake up feeling the burn more often.  I need to push myself to my limit, and then keep going further.

Today is Valentine's Day.  A stupid made up holiday, to make single people feel like crap.  This is my first single V Day in many, many years.  The first year in forever that I wouldn't get overpriced roses sent to me. I was ready to be grumpy and bitter all day.  Thanks to the kindness of a great new friend in my life, I quickly snapped out of it early this morning.  I was actually happy for the girls at work who got flowers.  I don't need a holiday to let me know that I am loved.  My friends and family let me know every single day.  Happy Valentine's Day!

Comments

Shioban said…
Time to be " comfortable with being uncomfortable"!! I know, I'm a broken record. Erin and I always pushed ourselves harder when
We swam together almost always neck and neck. We even finished Green Lakes Tri at exactly the same time down to the second. Just when you get comfortable... Push harder! You have the ability and you're getting stronger every day. Physically and mentally. I know you can do it! I have faith in you. ;-)
Erin said…
We will push eachother :-) I push you in the pool & when I can run again you can push me in that department! Your post just made me smile :-) Happy valentines day! & don't forget to schedule in the bull for next weekend as part of our workout!
Unknown said…
Good job Caroline! Hope to see you soon!!
A Prelude To... said…
I totally get you on this one! I always hold back. I was actually going to do a post on this some time this week about how I pushed myself for the very first time in a race last weekend.

Whether it's the pool or the bike or the run, I'm not pushing myself like I think maybe I will in the future.

Great post! Congrats on an amazing discovery!
Anonymous said…
Don't be afraid of yourself and what you are capable of!

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