Yesterday was my first tri of the season. It was also my first tri since he moved out. My first tri since my hospital stay, and my first tri with out my original training buddy Missy who originally motivated me to tri in the first place. It was also my first tri on meds, and my first tri with my period (i know tmi, but it was an unneeded stressor) Not to mention my first tri season with out a coach.
Needless to say, I wasn't feeling ready for it. About a week before I told a few friends that I quit. That I wasn't doing it. That I knew I couldn't. I had so much self doubt, and the voice of one former "friend" telling me I didn't have what it would take kept ringing in my ear. A couple of my friends said, ok, if that's what you want, we will support you. But Kristin wasn't having it. Her text to me went something like this: it's a sold out race, you took a spot that someone else could have had, you owe it to them to do the race. it doesn't matter what someone else thinks or says, you can't let them ruin your race, and then something about me being strong, and just having fun. So, I then decided that I was going to go, and cross the finish line with a smile on my face. And Wednesday night I went to the CNY tri series at Oneida Shores and rocked the swim. Starting to feel a little better about this. Then the weather forecast came out. 50% chance of rain. I decided to look at it as a 50% chance of sun. I was going to have a fun race. A little rain couldn't stop that.
Saturday morning I woke up to the sound of a text message from my wonderful young friend Erin 30 minutes before my alarm went off. It's a good thing she's cute and I love her, cause I love my bed almost more than my children. Then as I lay there contemplating getting up, I heard raindrops on my window. Lots of heavy, big, fat raindrops. At this point, I seriously thought about turning off my phone, unplugging the alarm clock, and going back to sleep. I did not want to race in the rain. I REALLY did not want to race in a down pour. But, several little voices in my head wouldn't let me go back to sleep. I could hear all of my supporters telling me that I needed to get up. Mostly, I didn't want to admit to my kids that I quit before I even started. So, I got out of bed, made coffee(most important meal of the day!), showered, shaved, put on my make up (gotta tri to look pretty), and ate a banana and a pumpkin muffin. Loaded Pepe and my transition bag into the car, and off I went. It was a long enough ride that I got to listen to all the songs I needed to to pump me up and calm me down. And the rain stopped just before I got to Green Lakes. Just in time to get there and be stressed and annoyed by the fact that the guy at the gate was stopping and talking to every car. Just let me in, and get my stuff set up!
Finally got in, set up transition, and went and got body marked. And then hung with Erin to wait for the start of the race. She brings her own personal paparazzi with her, so we had this woman with a camera snapping shots of us left and right. I felt like a pro!
Shortly before the race I finally found my mom and dad who had come to cheer me on. It means a lot to me that they now come to my triathlons. Gave them each a quick hug and kiss, and it was time to get my game face on. We got our wetsuits on, and got in to get used to the water. It actually felt pretty good compared to the week before when I came to swim a couple of laps in it. It was freezing that day. For the race, it may have been warmer than the air. Several people did laps. I just stood in the water.
Erin and I were in the second wave of swimmers. This was to be my first race with men and women in the same wave start. I wasn't too worried about it. But, it was different. When it was time for our wave to get in to the start, Erin and I walked in. As we were making our way toward the front of the pack, she said we had to stop where we were. When I asked why, she pointed out that the water was going to be over her head if we went any further. I had to laugh. I forget that I'm 9 inches taller than her! The gun signaled the start, and we were off.
I must say, I was very impressed with my swim. I held my own with all those big boys. I didn't tire at all, never had to stop doing the crawl, kept my pace pretty steady, breathing every three strokes. I got out of the water feeling very good, and was greeted by cheers from mom and dad. I got into transition, took a couple swigs of gatorade, got my bikes shoes on, helmet on, grabbed Pepe, and was off.
As I was pulling out on the bike I spotted Erin just ahead of me, and her mom yelled for me to catch her, as she snapped a picture of me smiling on the bike (probably the last smile I had for the rest of the 12 miles).
Then I saw a man in a full out cow suit, ringing a cow bell, cheering on all of the racers. That made me more than smile. It made me chuckle. And then the ride started to suck! Not sure if it was my lack of training on hills, or me riding too much the week leading up to the race, but I had nothing in my legs. I just could not get going. And the further I got, and the more people whizzed past me, I was getting more and more discouraged. By mile 3 I was thinking I just should have stayed in bed. At mile 6 I almost pulled over to the woman controlling traffic to tell her I quit. At mile 9 I was praying to either pass out, vomit, or just die, and then somehow I made it to mile 12 and pulled into transition. My parents were standing right outside transition, right at my bike. And they could tell I was not ok. I plopped down on my butt and tried to change my shoes, but had nothing in me to do it. I again thought about quitting. But I also thought about a couple of specific people who I would be ashamed to admit that I just gave up. So a couple swigs of gatorade again, changed the shoes, and I was off for the run.
My legs actually felt pretty good for the run. And it was a trail run, so I didn't have any real expectations as to how I would do since the majority of my running is road running. I passed more people than passed me on the run. And I finally caught up to Erin. I stayed with her for a bit, and had decided we started together, and that I would finish with her as well. But my wise beyond her years friend was not going to have it. She said "This is your race, run it!" So I did. And I picked up my pace, and enjoyed the rest of the run around the lake. As we came around the bend we got greeted by the same man in the cow suit once again. Then I ran past my parents who gave me the boost to sprint to the finish I needed. And, as promised, I crossed the finish line with a smile:-)
And I am a little disappointed with my results. I know I should have trained better, and gotten more sleep the night before, and eaten a better breakfast. But I did finish. I didn't PR, or place in my age group, but as the sign says "You're All Winners". And I'm pretty sure if there was a prize for palest finisher, I would have gotten that one for sure! After the race my parents were a little worried, and stuck around until I ate some food, and made me promise to call when I made it home safely. I hung around for a while and chatted with some of my tri buddies.
Then I headed home for a well earned nap. But, before heading to sleep, I called my parents as promised. That is when I got my award. My dad said to me "We are very proud of you for finishing today, great job!". Hearing that from my dad is probably the best prize I could ever ask for.
Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to do the race, even though I didn't think I could. Thank you to everyone for believing in me when I didn't. I didn't post the times, or my place, because that doesn't matter for this race. I have overcome a lot since my last race, and the fact that I crossed that finish line is all that I need to know for this race. I finished, and that will have to be good enough for this race. Now, to start training for the next one!
Needless to say, I wasn't feeling ready for it. About a week before I told a few friends that I quit. That I wasn't doing it. That I knew I couldn't. I had so much self doubt, and the voice of one former "friend" telling me I didn't have what it would take kept ringing in my ear. A couple of my friends said, ok, if that's what you want, we will support you. But Kristin wasn't having it. Her text to me went something like this: it's a sold out race, you took a spot that someone else could have had, you owe it to them to do the race. it doesn't matter what someone else thinks or says, you can't let them ruin your race, and then something about me being strong, and just having fun. So, I then decided that I was going to go, and cross the finish line with a smile on my face. And Wednesday night I went to the CNY tri series at Oneida Shores and rocked the swim. Starting to feel a little better about this. Then the weather forecast came out. 50% chance of rain. I decided to look at it as a 50% chance of sun. I was going to have a fun race. A little rain couldn't stop that.
Saturday morning I woke up to the sound of a text message from my wonderful young friend Erin 30 minutes before my alarm went off. It's a good thing she's cute and I love her, cause I love my bed almost more than my children. Then as I lay there contemplating getting up, I heard raindrops on my window. Lots of heavy, big, fat raindrops. At this point, I seriously thought about turning off my phone, unplugging the alarm clock, and going back to sleep. I did not want to race in the rain. I REALLY did not want to race in a down pour. But, several little voices in my head wouldn't let me go back to sleep. I could hear all of my supporters telling me that I needed to get up. Mostly, I didn't want to admit to my kids that I quit before I even started. So, I got out of bed, made coffee(most important meal of the day!), showered, shaved, put on my make up (gotta tri to look pretty), and ate a banana and a pumpkin muffin. Loaded Pepe and my transition bag into the car, and off I went. It was a long enough ride that I got to listen to all the songs I needed to to pump me up and calm me down. And the rain stopped just before I got to Green Lakes. Just in time to get there and be stressed and annoyed by the fact that the guy at the gate was stopping and talking to every car. Just let me in, and get my stuff set up!
Finally got in, set up transition, and went and got body marked. And then hung with Erin to wait for the start of the race. She brings her own personal paparazzi with her, so we had this woman with a camera snapping shots of us left and right. I felt like a pro!
Shortly before the race I finally found my mom and dad who had come to cheer me on. It means a lot to me that they now come to my triathlons. Gave them each a quick hug and kiss, and it was time to get my game face on. We got our wetsuits on, and got in to get used to the water. It actually felt pretty good compared to the week before when I came to swim a couple of laps in it. It was freezing that day. For the race, it may have been warmer than the air. Several people did laps. I just stood in the water.
Erin and I were in the second wave of swimmers. This was to be my first race with men and women in the same wave start. I wasn't too worried about it. But, it was different. When it was time for our wave to get in to the start, Erin and I walked in. As we were making our way toward the front of the pack, she said we had to stop where we were. When I asked why, she pointed out that the water was going to be over her head if we went any further. I had to laugh. I forget that I'm 9 inches taller than her! The gun signaled the start, and we were off.
I must say, I was very impressed with my swim. I held my own with all those big boys. I didn't tire at all, never had to stop doing the crawl, kept my pace pretty steady, breathing every three strokes. I got out of the water feeling very good, and was greeted by cheers from mom and dad. I got into transition, took a couple swigs of gatorade, got my bikes shoes on, helmet on, grabbed Pepe, and was off.
As I was pulling out on the bike I spotted Erin just ahead of me, and her mom yelled for me to catch her, as she snapped a picture of me smiling on the bike (probably the last smile I had for the rest of the 12 miles).
Then I saw a man in a full out cow suit, ringing a cow bell, cheering on all of the racers. That made me more than smile. It made me chuckle. And then the ride started to suck! Not sure if it was my lack of training on hills, or me riding too much the week leading up to the race, but I had nothing in my legs. I just could not get going. And the further I got, and the more people whizzed past me, I was getting more and more discouraged. By mile 3 I was thinking I just should have stayed in bed. At mile 6 I almost pulled over to the woman controlling traffic to tell her I quit. At mile 9 I was praying to either pass out, vomit, or just die, and then somehow I made it to mile 12 and pulled into transition. My parents were standing right outside transition, right at my bike. And they could tell I was not ok. I plopped down on my butt and tried to change my shoes, but had nothing in me to do it. I again thought about quitting. But I also thought about a couple of specific people who I would be ashamed to admit that I just gave up. So a couple swigs of gatorade again, changed the shoes, and I was off for the run.
My legs actually felt pretty good for the run. And it was a trail run, so I didn't have any real expectations as to how I would do since the majority of my running is road running. I passed more people than passed me on the run. And I finally caught up to Erin. I stayed with her for a bit, and had decided we started together, and that I would finish with her as well. But my wise beyond her years friend was not going to have it. She said "This is your race, run it!" So I did. And I picked up my pace, and enjoyed the rest of the run around the lake. As we came around the bend we got greeted by the same man in the cow suit once again. Then I ran past my parents who gave me the boost to sprint to the finish I needed. And, as promised, I crossed the finish line with a smile:-)
And I am a little disappointed with my results. I know I should have trained better, and gotten more sleep the night before, and eaten a better breakfast. But I did finish. I didn't PR, or place in my age group, but as the sign says "You're All Winners". And I'm pretty sure if there was a prize for palest finisher, I would have gotten that one for sure! After the race my parents were a little worried, and stuck around until I ate some food, and made me promise to call when I made it home safely. I hung around for a while and chatted with some of my tri buddies.
Then I headed home for a well earned nap. But, before heading to sleep, I called my parents as promised. That is when I got my award. My dad said to me "We are very proud of you for finishing today, great job!". Hearing that from my dad is probably the best prize I could ever ask for.
Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to do the race, even though I didn't think I could. Thank you to everyone for believing in me when I didn't. I didn't post the times, or my place, because that doesn't matter for this race. I have overcome a lot since my last race, and the fact that I crossed that finish line is all that I need to know for this race. I finished, and that will have to be good enough for this race. Now, to start training for the next one!
Comments
& as much as I would have loved to finish with you- I am glad you went- this was your race.
Great job- weekend training sessions :-)
Jenn, yes, finishing is winning. I'm should be very proud of myself for even showing up at the start of this race.