Extreme Eating

It's amazing how someone can know you better than you know yourself.  I have known Missy for a really long time.  I won't say how long exactly, cause then it would give away our true ages, and we are both under the belief that we are forever 25.  But, I can say that I met her when I was in 9th grade.  We lost touch for several years, but thanks to Facebook, are friends again.  It's her fault I am a triathlete.  I will never be the athlete that Missy is, but she is one of my inspirations.  Not just in triathlon, but in life.  We used to train together, but I just can't keep up with her anymore!  I hope to some day catch up to her. 

After reading yesterday's post Missy knew all to well that I was about to go overboard.  That I was going to go from one extreme to the other.  This is the message that was in my inbox waiting from her this morning:

I know it sucks and some days are just sucky. While your boys are incredible inspirations for you to remain healthy, you have to also want it for yourself. Your mental well being is so hugely affected by your physical health, it will muddy the waters so to speak. Stress is a bitch, she is really a huge bitch!

Really the best thing I can say to you is listen to your internal voice, your internal dialogue. I don't want to see you go from not eating to obsessively eating and documenting and measuring, and then use that against yourself too. It's awesome to write it down so you can call yourself out when you're not eating enough, but don't use it as another way to punish yourself or tell yourself you did something wrong or that it isn't perfect. You have to change the voice inside you that is telling you that Caroline doesn't measure up, or isn't handling this, or that you're not good enough. Positive affirmations that are every day, in those hard moments, when that stressful thing pops up....it's not targeted at you because you're a failure. Crap happens! LOL.

I have struggled with self image and food issues my whole life. It's not really about the food or the eating, it's about how you feel about yourself and the things in your life, so I am so proud of you for accepting that, it's the hardest part. Stay in the positive on this and you'll be turning it around. Celebrate every win. DON'T GET OBSESSIVE. Cut yourself some slack. Go get a shamrock shake, lol.

Do you also think the appetite thing could be a side effect of the medications? I have heard that too - so remember if that's true, you're not going to feel hungry. Set a reminder in your calendar to eat. Whatever tricks trigger you to remember and stick to your guns.

You have lots and lots of fans and friends wanting you to be healthy and healed. Now YOU need to want it for you too. Love you girl, stay strong. 

Now I have to point out that she is the second person in two days to tell me to get a shamrock shake.  The first was my preggo BFF, and now my vegan tri buddy.  I think tomorrow, on St. Patty's Day, the boys and I may just have to each have one.

But more importantly, she's spot on with what I've started doing.  I'm still controlling the food.  Just in a different way.  By documenting, and accounting for every calorie.  And my medication does have a side effect of suppressing appetite (cause I told them not to give me one that would make me fat!).  So I do have to remind myself to eat.  But I also need to make sure I'm taking enough in to at least maintain my weight/bmi with the amount of training I'm doing.  

How do I find that happy medium?  How do I just eat, and not make food the center of my universe?