Yesterday Sucked. Plain and simple. It was an emotionally draining day, that left me feeling empty. It was the anniversary of the suicide of my sister-in-law's sister. I went to the memorial mass during my lunch break, to show her my support. Sitting in the pew behind them, watching her mother shake, crying, still devastated by the heartache of losing her daughter three years ago. Seeing her father, and the broken man he has become. And my SIL, who still asks why. Who blames herself. Who wishes she could go be with her sister, because she is so lost with out her. The reason this was so difficult for me this year was because I almost caused this pain to my parents and my sister. I almost broke the hearts of two little boys. I was so close to committing the most selfish act humanly possible. Sitting there, I was over come with guilt, knowing that those three broken souls in front of me could have been my mom, and dad, and sister.
By the time I got home from work, and running around with The Big One to get something he had left behind at school in November that needed to be hunted down, I was spent. Thankfully The Ex had gotten McDonald's for the boys since he had Bubba with him. I didn't have to figure out what to feed them. I made my dinner, and went into my room to make some phone calls, while the two of them trashed my living room, and beat each other up (all in good fun, I assure you). Once Bubba tired of wrestling with his brother, he snuck into my bed to cuddle with me while I waited on eternal hold, hoping someone would answer. After finally giving up, I snuggled up to my little man, and closed my eyes, for just a minute, knowing my bike and the trainer were waiting for me.
I never did get out of bed to do that ride. I woke to my 10 pm alarm (the one I set to make sure The Big One goes to bed), changed out of my work clothes, and went back to sleep until it was time to get up for the day. I'm feeling very guilty for skipping yet another ride. I'm trying to come up with some motivation. I joked on my Facebook status about riding the trainer for a while that it was too bad I wasn't talking about a hot personal trainer. Cause that is the kind of ride that I would stay awake for (or get up at 5 am for).
Now, for those of you new to my life, Pepe is my bike. I decided that anything that spends that much time that close to my lady parts must be a male. Now I've decided that the trainer must also be male. I will be naming him finally. And his name is Sven. When I say it's time to go ride Sven, this is who you should picture:
He is now my virtual personal trainer. If I had a trainer who looked like that, I would NEVER sleep in, or skip a work out. I think I love him!
By the time I got home from work, and running around with The Big One to get something he had left behind at school in November that needed to be hunted down, I was spent. Thankfully The Ex had gotten McDonald's for the boys since he had Bubba with him. I didn't have to figure out what to feed them. I made my dinner, and went into my room to make some phone calls, while the two of them trashed my living room, and beat each other up (all in good fun, I assure you). Once Bubba tired of wrestling with his brother, he snuck into my bed to cuddle with me while I waited on eternal hold, hoping someone would answer. After finally giving up, I snuggled up to my little man, and closed my eyes, for just a minute, knowing my bike and the trainer were waiting for me.
I never did get out of bed to do that ride. I woke to my 10 pm alarm (the one I set to make sure The Big One goes to bed), changed out of my work clothes, and went back to sleep until it was time to get up for the day. I'm feeling very guilty for skipping yet another ride. I'm trying to come up with some motivation. I joked on my Facebook status about riding the trainer for a while that it was too bad I wasn't talking about a hot personal trainer. Cause that is the kind of ride that I would stay awake for (or get up at 5 am for).
Now, for those of you new to my life, Pepe is my bike. I decided that anything that spends that much time that close to my lady parts must be a male. Now I've decided that the trainer must also be male. I will be naming him finally. And his name is Sven. When I say it's time to go ride Sven, this is who you should picture:
He is now my virtual personal trainer. If I had a trainer who looked like that, I would NEVER sleep in, or skip a work out. I think I love him!
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