Guilt

I obviously have lots of issues.  Otherwise I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital, and I wouldn't now be in therapy and on medication.  One of my issues is guilt.  I am a people pleaser.  I try to make everyone else happy, often at my own expense.  If I know I have upset someone else, it plagues my mind, and my heart, with guilt.  I also feel guilty about not doing things I know I should have.  This is especially true with my training right now.  Since I've been out of the hospital, I have done virtually nothing in the way of training.  And the days on the calender keep passing by, getting closer and closer to the first race. 

So, in an effort to not let this get me all worked up, and upset, I am making a deal with myself.  I will start a new tomorrow.  Today, I am going to see my bff with the boys to attend her adorable little boy's 3rd birthday party.  I will let myself enjoy the day, and not fret about training.  And tomorrow, when I'm making my meal plan for the week, I will also make a training plan for the week.  Tomorrow night is swim clinic, so I know at least one day is already scheduled for me.  I will then write it out, and post in on the fridge.  But, if weather, or the kids, or something else comes up that interupts one day of the schedule, I will try my best to not feel guilty about it. 

And then I will nail down a final draft of my race schedule.