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To Set The Record Straight

I think a lot of people are assuming that I had my little nervous break down/panic attack/suicidal episode because my husband and I split up.  That I am depressed about being single.  That I can't live without him taking care of me.  This is not the case. 

One does not get the diagnoses of "severe clinical depression" from a break up.  And that is exactly what the psychiatrist wrote on my discharge papers.   I have been depressed for a very long time.  I was raped at the age of 17, and lost a baby at the age of 31.  Two events no woman should ever have to live through.  Two things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  I never dealt with either of them.  I've been running away from my problems for more than half my life.  Pushing them down.  Ignoring the pain.  My husband has been suggesting therapy for years.  My longest friend has been doing the same. 

I didn't become depressed because of my husband.  I was depressed in spite of his best efforts to make me happy.  He stuck with me for a really long time.  He put up with my moods, my misery, my depression.  I give him credit for not leaving me sooner.  I believe that now that I am getting well, he and I will be able to be friends and parent our children together as a team quite successfully.  I wish him all the happiness I could never give him.  I know this is not his fault.  I just want everyone else to know it too.  He is a really good man, was the best husband he could be to me, and is a wonderful father.   I thank him for standing by me during my current crisis. 

So, now that I've cleared his good name, I feel better.  Back to making myself healthy. 

Comments

Unknown said…
It sounds like you are already making big steps to repair and heal. And yes, you don't just "catch" CD from a break up.

Stay strong!

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